Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
I haven't always appreciated the story of Isaac and Rebekah. As a young woman of the 21st century, I'm more likely to know of someone who has thirty-eight tattoos than someone who had an arranged marriage. Yet there's something about the story that is intriguing.The tale begins with a servant being given the job of picking out a wife for his boss's son, Isaac. Not a low pressure task. While I suspect the servant was a little nerve-wracked by the responsibility on his shoulders, Abraham, his boss, says to trust God. The servant then travels to Mesopotamia, picks the first girl he meets (literally), and returns home with the new bride.
One would think that this sort of marriage tactic was a recipe for ruin. For all this servant-turned-Tevye knew, the bride could be a brat. She could have had a not-so-respectable-reputation. She could be any number of things considered undesirable in the ancient world.
But the bride isn't some selfish, Mesopotamian teenager. Even though the servant didn't know the girl from Adam, she ended up being quite a catch. She was even from a good family; a relative of Abraham.
Her name was Rebekah.
We don't know much of her character, but first impressions speak volumes. Upon meeting the servant, Rebekah willingly gives him the water she just drew from the well. Then, she offers to water his camels. "So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, and ran back to the well to draw...." Not only did the girl show hospitality to a complete stranger, but she added extra work to her day in order to serve him.
What does this say of Rebekah? She had character. She was committed to doing the right thing, even if the only person watching was a dusty, thirsty servant. She was a stellar girl. Isaac couldn't have asked for more in a wife.
I'm not sure what the odds are for successful arranged marriages, but this one was so perfectly coordinated, one would almost suspect that God was behind it. And He was.
There are dozens of unexplainable "coincidences" in this story: How did the servant chance to meet a relative of his master in a foreign country? How did it happen that Rebekah was not only of a good family--but demonstrated an amazing servant's heart and a willingness to do anything that needed to be done? And in a broader sense, isn't it amazing that God could match a young man and a young woman who lived hundreds of miles away from each other?
Then, of course there are a myriad of "what-if's" this story brings to mind. What if Rebekah had tripped that morning on the way to the well, and the servant had bumped into another young lady? What if the servant had ridden his camel a little slower and arrived at the well after Rebekah left? What if Rebekah decided she wasn't in the mood to serve others? What if--
One of those little, everyday instances could've changed the Isaac and Rebekah's story drastically.
Robert Frost demonstrated this idea in his famous poem, "The Road Not Taken," when he wrote of finding two pathways in the forest. Both looked inviting, yet he was forced to choose one. Knowing the nature of destiny, and how one single decision can impact the future, he mused:
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
In the love story of Isaac and Rebekah, God didn't leave those details to chance. He made the servant's timing perfect and Rebekah didn't miss a beat.
Paul wrote: "Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways! ....For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things." (Romans 12:33,36)
This is the same God who calls us to trust Him with our own lives.
This is where the main theme of Isaac and Rebekah's story comes to the surface: Trust God. The story is not a formula to follow for a happily ever after, but it is a real-life example of what God can do and has, in fact, done. It's a testimony to God's graciousness that's as real as any modern day newspaper clipping. It's a story showing that picking our pathways may feel risky, but God ordains our steps; and that makes all the difference.
Labels: purity, relationships, trust
Monday, March 24, 2008
Lions, Tigers, and Feelings, Oh My!
Wrapped deeply in thought, a girl cups her chin in her hands. A face—his face— fills her mind. For the hundredth time, she mulls over his highly attractive attributes:
1. Clearly cherishes the Gospel above all else? Check.
2. Deeply passionate, growing relationship with Christ? Check, check.
3. Strong, humble leader?
4. A vibrantly active, not passive, Christian?
5. Visible love for family and for the Church?
6. Serious student of the Word?
7. Kind, caring, chivalr—
Check ‘em all. Before she’s reached the end of the list, she’s lost herself in a daydream.
A wisp of a smile steals over her face. It's a perfect match. He's the man of her dreams. Closing her eyes, she can already envision it—the flowing white gown, and the tender look in his eyes as she cries "I do" enthusiastically, flinging her arms around his neck. She can't help but notice his many admirable characteristics— characteristics which, incidentally, she desires in a spouse one day. The wheels have started turning.
There's just one little catch: "the man of her dreams" is only a friend— as he ought to be, at her age. And yet, completely unbeknownst to the unfortunate possessor of so many essential husband-material qualities, she has stuck the label "Potential Future Spouse" on him, clear as if it had been printed in bold italics on his forehead.
From girlhood, we start building The List. You know the one I'm talking about. We girls are keen observers, and as we reach young womanhood, copious mental notes are taken. Nothing escapes us; qualities we like and qualities we don't are both stored up in our memory.
Oh, Come On. What's the Harm of a Label?
Allowing the labeling-mindset to creep in is natural, yet perilously unhealthy. Why? Because the classification of a "future potential husband" can rarely be separated from present
Labels: purity
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy S.A.D.?
February 14th is known to most as Valentine’s Day. To a few traditionalists, it’s even St. Valentine’s Day. However, to a notable segment of society, it is recognized as S.A.D. (Singles Awareness Day.)Standing starkly against other holidays, S.A.D. is supposedly the lowest point of the year for singles. Where married and dating couples exchange flowers and chocolate, S.A.D. participants are content to mope on the sidelines. No chocolate candies or surprise engagement rings for them. O woe!
Much of S.A.D. sadness, I suspect, does not stem from relationship problems but from hope problems. I have never met a human being without a future hope. Whether it is a long-term career aspiration or just an anticipation for dinner, to be without hope is to be dead. In fact, all of creation is spoken of as having hope, or unsatisfied longings. (Romans 8:19) Proverbs 13:12 says that these feelings are a force to be reckoned with: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”
Unlike the rest of the world, which may pin its hopes solely on marriage or some politically correct “mutually beneficial relationship,” Christians have a different aspiration. Augustine wrote, “Christ is not valued at all unless He is valued above all.” The hope of one day being able to value Christ above all, uninhibited by human frailty, fills me with excitement. The longing to cherish His Presence up close and to always exist in His company is, well, heavenly. Nothing compares with it; and with hope placed securely in that promised future, S.A.D. worries hold no sway.
Valentine’s Day--a celebration of marriage and love in a time where marriage is rarely respected--is a holiday for all. Singles, enjoy this day, even if you must buy the chocolate yourself.
Labels: contentment, purity, relationships
Friday, March 23, 2007
Hanging Up on "No Hang Up's"
“Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!” the blond woman shouted into the microphone. Her tight shirt crept farther upward as her right hand shot into the air, wholly unveiling a swollen pregnant stomach. I struggled to keep my jaw from dropping open.
Was it just my Middle American sensibilities showing through—my Bible belt upbringing? Guilt flashed through my mind. Who was I to disapprove of her clothing? Was I being judgmental? Her purpose on stage was to reach the lost for Christ, yet at the same time, I wonder if the woman knew how much more she was communicating, beyond “Praise the Lord.”
When visiting
But this brings one to wonder, how does modesty relate to Christians from other backgrounds? A friend of mine once asked a relative from
In my observation, many who choose to dress modestly do so that their “freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak.” (1 Cor. 8:9) This is an admirable, Biblical pursuit. But I believe if all of the guys on earth were blind, unfeeling, and devoid of all visual “hang-ups,” there would still be a need for modesty. Why?
God desires it of us. “I desire then….that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works.” (1 Tim. 2:8-10. Italics mine.)
These verses are not banning jewelry, but highlighting the heart. In his sermon, “The Soul of Modesty,” C.J. Mahaney said, “Your wardrobe is a public statement of your personal and private motivation.” If humility and worshipping God is given first priority, our clothing choices will naturally reflect that.
This perspective changes the situation, doesn’t it? Instead of dressing according to the "hang ups" of those around us, we’re choosing our clothes carefully as a form of worship to the God of the universe. Instead of being accountable to men for our actions, we are accountable to God for our hearts.
For women professing godliness, whether in
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Don't Eat It. It's Mine.
The door swings shuts as you step into Marie’s Ice Cream Shop. Several customers are seated in booths, chatting blithely, licking ice cream cones and soaking in the cool air conditioning.
Outside the shop, the sun beats down cruelly upon the sidewalk. That summer, the ice cream shop had become a local refuge from the merciless weather. You, too, join the multitude of customers enjoying a piece of ice cream heaven.
Staring at the bins of ice cream, you struggle with making your decision. “Should I get a scoop of Dark Chocolate Raspberry, Total Mocha Bliss, or Joe’s Extra-Extra-Uber Chocolate Fudge ice cream?” you ask yourself. Ultimately, chocolate wins out. "A scoop of each flavor, please."
An employee behind the counter—a surfer who spent too much time with a bottle of tanning lotion—begins to pile your order of ice cream into a glass bowl. One scoop…then two…then three. Finally, he adds Marie’s Ice Cream Shop’s trademark touch—the brilliant red cherry on top. Your mouth waters as you wait expectantly for your order.
The tanned employee begins to pass you the ice cream, but instead, grabs a spoon and digs into your ice cream. Placing the spoon in his mouth, his eyes roll back as he savors the bite.
You stare in horror and disgust.
The boy swallows. “Duuuude, that was awesome.”
“What? That’s….that’s mine!” you sputter.
“Yeah. Thanks for like, sharing.” He smiles crookedly, and with a slight shrug, turns away.
It is a ridiculous situation. What employee in his right mind would ever steal a bite from a customer’s ice cream? What customer in their right mind would idly stand by, allowing him to do so?
Yet purity is treated in a similar fashion. Sex is often ignored as a gift from God--that is, a part of the marriage union, and instead utilized for a moment's pleasure. While it is most shocking to hear of someone assuming the rights to someone else's ice cream, we merely shrug at the idea of sexual purity being flippantly surrendered. Why? Impurity has become commonplace. In the year 2005, it was estimated that 47% of high school aged students had sex.
These statistics can be depressing to the high school students who have committed to abstinence, but this only the beginning: According to a survey by Dr. Peter S. Bearman and Dr. Hannah Bruckner, 88% of young people who commit to maintain their virginity until marriage, break the pledge. On average, the pledges are broken only eighteen months after they were first made.
“Now what?” you may say. “Are we fated to join that 88%?” Yes, we are. Even if we too make a commitment to be pure, the promise of a moment cannot transform a heart. The facts remain unaffected: We are naturally sinful human beings.
Unless hearts are transformed and handed over wholly to Christ’s authority, we are in very real danger of becoming a part of that statistic. Proverbs 4:23 states: “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Guarding the heart is more than a split-second decision. It is a constant choice made daily. Is it hard? You bet! But in the words of Christina Rossetti,
Purity isn't simple to maintain. But in the seeking, we shall find so much more: the pleasure of our Father in Heaven. After all, purity is more valuable than ice cream."True, all our lives long we shall be bound to restrain our soul and keep it low; and what then? For the books we read shall one day be endowed with wisdom and knowledge. For the music we will not listen to, we shall join in the song of the redeemed. For the pictures from which we turn, we shall gaze unabashed on the beatific vision. For the companionship we shun, we shall be welcomed with angelic society and the communion of the triumphant saints. For the amusements we avoid, we shall keep the supreme jubilee. For the pleasures we miss, we shall abide in the rapture of heaven. It cannot be much of a hardship to dress modestly at a small cost, rather than richly and fashionably if with conviction we are awaiting the white robes of the redeemed."
_______________
Sources:
- CDC. Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance—United States, 2005 [PDF]. Morbidity & Mortality Weekly Report2006;55(SS-5):1–108.
- Journal of Adolescent Health, 2005 and American Journal of Sociology, 2001
Labels: purity
Monday, January 01, 2007
(Don't) Save Me
Dear Beauty from the Heart,
I was wondering, what is your perspective is on chivalry? The reason I ask is, at the beginning of the year I began courting a young man, with the expectation that we would discover whether or not God intended for us to become more than friends. Along the way, I discovered that I was very highly irritated by his 'gentlemanly behavior'. He would go very much out of his way to open doors for me, take something out of my hands if I were carrying it, and pull out seats for me. It sounds like a dream, doesn't it? But he became offended if I offered to carry anything for him, or open a door before he got there first. I was very confused, because my personality loves helping others and my one strength (among a myriad of weaknesses) is putting others before myself. I began to feel disrespected, as if my offers of courtesy were not valid or proper. At times, I felt as though I were his property, and by offering my services I was robbing him of some right. For many other reasons, chiefly God showing us that we were both too immature (spiritually, for me) to be considering serious relationships, our courtship was ended at the beginning of summer, but the issue has continued to plague me. What is the Biblical basis for chivalry? Is it acceptable for women to open doors for themselves, or offer to carry something if a man's hands are full? Am I being rebellious in some way by wanting to open doors when I arrive at them, instead of waiting for a man who may be a step behind me?
Sincerely,
"A Damsel in Distress"
Dear Damsel,
It's good to hear from you! You have asked several interesting questions. I've consulted my parents and God's Word and we're going to try to answer you to the best of our ability. However, if you have not already done so, I would encourage you to discuss this with your parents. They are the people God has given to guide you, and I'm sure they are more than willing to give advice.
It's true. Modern knights in shining armor have it tough these days. The damsels in distress who in medieval times would clasp their hands and shriek "Save me!" now proclaim "I can do it myself!" Is this wrong? After all, the word "chivalry" never appears in the Bible. In fact, from what I can find, the word first appeared in about 1300 AD in medieval
According to 1 Peter 3:7, women are to be treated differently by their husbands. It says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel..." What does the term "weaker vessel" mean? I posted once an analogy I heard on this subject:
A pastor once explained in his sermon the differences between men and women, and what it meant to be a "weaker vessel." He showed to the congregation two pitchers. One was a plastic water pitcher. He explained: "Men are like this pitcher. It is strong, heavy-duty and designed for a unique purpose." Then, the pastor revealed a delicate, porcelain teapot to the congregation. "Women," he said as he gently upheld the fragile pitcher, "are like this teapot. It too is made for a unique purpose...but it is the weaker vessel. If I dropped it, it would shatter. If I dropped the plastic pitcher, it would not shatter. But the value of the teapot is not diminished by its delicateness. We treasure and protect teapots."
Although 1 Peter 3:7 is directed to husbands, this verse does recognize the differences between the sexes and that they should be respected, not ignored. We can see other instances in Scripture which women have been treasured and treated with deference, such as in the Song of Solomon, where a group of brothers announce that they will protect their little sister:
"If she is a wall,
we will build towers of silver on her.
If she is a door,
we will enclose her with panels of cedar."
(Song of Solomon 8:9)
You see, chivalry is really a mindset. It's about embracing the role that God has given men: to serve and protect women. It stems from an attitude in the heart that wants to honor God, by putting the needs and comforts of women above their own.
Does this mean that chivalry is limited only to men? Well, yes-- and no. The word “chivalry” is used only regarding the way a man treats a lady. But Bible is clear that we are all to be servants of one another (1 Peter 4:10, Matthew 20:26-28). It is certainly not wrong for you to desire to serve others by putting their needs before your own, even when this involves offering to carry something for someone else. In fact, it's wonderful that God has given you such a meek, serving spirit!
Nonetheless, there are many opportunities for you to serve that are unique to girls. For instance, if I am cooking dinner, I am not insulted by my brother's lack of chivalry if he does not offer to help cook. Cooking is not his strong point. (Actually, it is not mine either, but I am the person training to be a keeper of the home, and he is not!) He is perfectly capable of learning to cook, but as a girl training to be a wife and mother, I want to serve him in this way! Even chivalrous guys must need help from time to time, and should be humble enough to appreciate your willing aid.
Just the same, there needs to be humility on both sides. In order for men to be chivalrous, damsels must be willing to accept and support their actions. I know that it is sometimes difficult to make a conscious effort to allow guys to do things. At times in the past, I have insisted on carrying a heavy table myself when guys have offered to do it for me. I can handle carrying tables (most of the time) but I must step back and allow the guy to express his respect for my femininity by doing the work himself.
Thank you for writing, Damsel. I hope this helps!
God bless!
Hannah (for Kristin, Lindsey and Stephanie)
P.S. If you would like to investigate this topic more in-depth, I recommend checking out these posts on chivalry.
"The Modern Day Gentleman" (Part One of a five post series)
"Chivalry in a Modern World"
Labels: chivalry, letters, purity, relationships
Thursday, November 30, 2006
I Do it for You
Ella, from Created to be a Help, has graciously granted permission to post her poem, "I Do it For You:"
They call me legalistic- “She’s gone too far”
But can I go too far in saving
My body for you?
I do it for you, my darling- I do it for you.
They say it’s unnecessary- “Who really cares?”
But lust is a very real struggle.
I’ll do it for my brothers-
I hope that my sisters will do it for you.
I will help you pursue purity, my dear- I do it for you.
Images of beauty, seductive fashions
They attract me-it would all be so easy
To give in.
Sometimes, I don’t want to stand out.
But I’ll choose the hard route for you, beloved- I do it for you.
They think I do it because I like to;
But how tempting the scanty clothes can look!
I want to look stunning, too!
But I’ll wait for you, my husband- I do it for you.
My King-
You have called me to honor You
My body has been bought with a price-
Your precious blood
So I will do it for you, Lord Jesus- I ultimately do it for You.
Please be sure to check out Ella's blog. It won't be a waste of time!
Labels: purity
Monday, July 10, 2006
Wait
by Russell KelferDesperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said,"Wait."
"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.
My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to Wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.
You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".
Labels: devotion, purity, trust
Monday, April 03, 2006
Waiting for the Wedding
One day, when I was a little girl, I was playing pretend "school" with two girls who lived down the street from me. The girl who played "teacher" handed each of her "students" a slip of paper which she called our "attention span." At one point during the game, much to the dismay of the little teacher, I lost my paper. I ran home, greatly distressed, and announced to my mother that I had "lost my attention span" and did not know where to find it.While I look back and laugh at my childish ignorance, times have not changed much. I still struggle with losing my real attention span in a much more serious matter; I struggle with keeping my attention on God. Anything and everything can distract my focus from God if I give too much attention to it.
Watch therefore, for you know neither the day nor the hour. - Matthew 25:13I have been reading Leslie Ludy's book, Authentic Beauty. First and foremost, I recommend this book to every young lady. I would, however, advise mothers to look over before letting their younger daughters read this because there are some topics that Leslie covers that are a bit descriptive.
As I read this book, the way Leslie describes what our relationship with Jesus struck me as odd.
Leslie uses the term "Prince" for God. When I think of a prince, I think of Prince Charming of the fairytales. He rides in on a white horses and gallantly rescues the damsel in distress from an evil foe. I wondered How can this possibly be a picture of our relationship with God? The whole idea sounded rather irreverent, but now I see Leslie's point.When a person is in love, they think constantly of their beloved (or so other people tell me.) They count the minutes until they can see their beloved again. Is our love for Christ to be very different from this? Is He not supposed to be on our minds, in our thoughts, and His law written upon our very hearts? 1 Corinthians 7:34 says that "An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." The Lord has declared His intentions toward us in return in Hosea 2:16-20,
"In that day, declares the LORD, you will call me my husband; you will no longer call me my master. I will remove the names of the Baals from her lips; no longer will their names be invoked...I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD."Imagine that you are engaged to be married. You have met and fallen in love with the one who God has planned you for all along. You can hardly wait for the wedding day, but you have one problem. Your groom promised to bring the entire wedding party to your doorstep, but following old Jewish tradition, has refused to tell you the wedding date. It is a secret possessed only by him and his father. Every morning you wake up and question yourself, 'Is this the day of my marriage?' Each day you must prepare as though the wedding were just about to take place.
This may seem like a surreal situation, but it was reality for Jewish women during the time of Christ. After the initial betrothal, about twelve months would pass. Toward the end of the twelve months or soon after, the groom would arrive at the bride's home with the wedding party and the marriage ceremony could begin. The bride was never sure of the exact time that her husband-to-be was coming; she only knew that it was soon.
Yet this is also reality for us as followers of Christ. We are that bride. Our hearts should be completely turned toward our Savior that He is who we wake up thinking about and that our days are dedicated to the hope of His return.
How are you doing on this?
Labels: beauty, devotion, purity, trust
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