"A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment." -Pride and Prejudice

Wrapped deeply in thought, a girl cups her chin in her hands. A face—his face— fills her mind. For the hundredth time, she mulls over his highly attractive attributes:

1. Clearly cherishes the Gospel above all else? Check.
2. Deeply passionate, growing relationship with Christ? Check, check.
3. Strong, humble leader?
4. A vibrantly active, not passive, Christian?
5. Visible love for family and for the Church?
6. Serious student of the Word?
7. Kind, caring, chivalr—

Check ‘em all. Before she’s reached the end of the list, she’s lost herself in a daydream.

A wisp of a smile steals over her face. It's a perfect match. He's the man of her dreams. Closing her eyes, she can already envision it—the flowing white gown, and the tender look in his eyes as she cries "I do" enthusiastically, flinging her arms around his neck. She can't help but notice his many admirable characteristics— characteristics which, incidentally, she desires in a spouse one day. The wheels have started turning.

There's just one little catch: "the man of her dreams" is only a friend— as he ought to be, at her age. And yet, completely unbeknownst to the unfortunate possessor of so many essential husband-material qualities, she has stuck the label "Potential Future Spouse" on him, clear as if it had been printed in bold italics on his forehead.

From girlhood, we start building The List. You know the one I'm talking about. We girls are keen observers, and as we reach young womanhood, copious mental notes are taken. Nothing escapes us; qualities we like and qualities we don't are both stored up in our memory.

romantic—and out of place—feelings for that person. Joshua Harris wisely exhorts:

"What are the categories you have for Christian men in your life—"potential boyfriend", "potential husband", "no potential whatsoever"? I encourage you to drop these categories. The first way you should view a Christian guy is as a brother. Be a sister to the men in your life. Pray for them. Be yourself. Don't put up a front. Be a friend."

Alright, in summation: Feelings are wrong. Don't have them. Platonic friendships really rock. Determine to keep it that way forever. Guard your heart, girls, and don't ever let yourself think of a friend as a possibility. Right? Buzz! Wrong.

Without fail, whenever the topic of emotional purity is breached, I notice a distinct negativity in tone towards those things we call "feelings.” Ahh! Kill the feelings, pound the feelings down—smash, smash, smash—get rid of the feelings, flee the feelings! Exterminate! Exterminate! Amusingly enough, there is a kind of religious terror and obsession with the word. Lions, tigers, and feelings, oh my! You would almost think, hearing the way many people talk, that the presence of romantic feelings is inherently wrong, anti-spiritual, and detrimental to our growth as Christians.

Frankly, that's absolutely absurd.

I'll be honest: I'm just about as hopelessly romantic as a girl can get. Chances are that you have a romantic streak, too. That's a good thing. (Yes, you read that right. A good thing.) It's allowing our feelings to be aroused prematurely through categories that we need to be wary about, not allowing our feelings to be kindled at an appropriate time by an appropriate man's initiative.

C.S. Lewis praised feelings: " 'Being in love' first moved them [a man and woman] to promise fidelity." There is a place for feelings; their importance should never be scorned or made little of. My point is not that feelings are sinful, or have no value. In fact, to be blunt, we're not going to get married without them. The trouble only begins when we let ourselves experience the flutters of romance while we're too young for marriage—or, if we're eligible, when the object of our affections has not made a direct, clear initiation. Until then, our responsibility is to block out intrusive, categorizing thoughts. Every Christian young man that you encounter, regardless of how closely he aligns with your expectations for a future husband, is a brother. Period.

Of course, we can tie a pretty little bow on that as a theory, but the nitty-gritty of keeping guy friends firmly and only as brothers in our minds takes considerable effort. Hope exists. Contrary to popular belief, romantic feelings are not unstoppable avalanches, invariably rendering the helpless victims incapable of any option but surrender. We have control over the thoughts we allow into our minds, and we have control over the labels we choose to place on certain guy friends. It isn't only possible to drop the mindset of categories—it is absolutely imperative to keeping our eyes fixed on Christ.