Monday, August 18, 2008
The Overwhelming Thing
On June 28th, Kazakh supermodel, Ruslana Korshunova committed suicide by jumping from her New York apartment building. Her mother told reporters: "She didn't have a single reason to do this and 1,001 reasons to live."
Ruslana was only twenty-one, on the top of her game in the modelling world, and had recently become enamored with a new boyfriend. Yet in spite of Ruslana's outward signs of 'success,' her frequent internet postings reveal a deep hopelessness. She wrote, "I'm so lost. Will I ever find myself?"
This young woman's death is tragic to me on so many levels. My heart is grieved for this person who had achieved everything the American dream could offer, only to find herself emptied of the strength to live one day more. Her death reminds me of the suffocation of trying to survive without hope.
Recently, I posted on "Feeling Funky"--those moments when depressed emotions get the better of us. The feedback I received honestly surprised me. I wasn't sure at the time just how helpful a post on our emotions would be. I realize now my naivete in assuming that others have not felt the weight of depression. Shifting emotions are so common--even the spiritual heroes in history have experienced them.
Isobel Kuhn, the bold missionary to China, wrote in her autobiography of a period before her salvation, when she contemplated suicide:
"'There is that bottle in the bathroom marked Poison. A good long drink and your troubles are over.' A good idea. The only sensible solution. I jumped out of bed and started for the bathroom....My hand was on the door knob when a deep groan, twice repeated, broke the silence of the dark. It was my father, moaning in his sleep in the next room...He had been such a dear, kind father to me all my life. Dare I make him such a dastardly return? No, I couldn't be so mean and selfish. In agony I turned and sat down on the edge of my bed and faced the darkest moment of my life. I didn't want to live and I couldn't die! Oh the black despair of the Misty Flats [an area symbolizing to Isobel her life of complacency and compromise]. How little did I know the golden sunshine pouring on the High Way above them!"(By Searching)
This depression isn't the exclusive property of unbelievers. David once cried out for God to "restore" to him the joy of his salvation. (He had lost it.) Jeremiah bemoaned his own condition: "I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is." (Lam. 3:17) Francis Schaeffer, the Christian philosopher, implied a close acquaintance with the feeling himself, when he responded to the letter of a troubled former student:
"I do cry with you--and I know the depression, of the moving of the waves, in the ocean of each individual....(Letters of Francis A. Schaeffer, italics mine.)
"It will not do merely to say stop turning inward. This is both cruel and unrealistic. Yet there must be some way to go on, by finding the objective realities of God's existence and the work of Christ in history. With none of us is the way of going on steady and unbroken. But neither must we panic. Nor must we underestimate our subconscious deliberately tempting us--whether the temptations be physical ones or, strange as it may seem, the desire for tears. Nor must we spend a lifetime looking inward.... The balance is honesty under the searching of the Holy Spirit; and [at the same time] living in an objective perspective, in the objective realities I have mentioned before."
In other words, question yourself. Try to find out why you're feeling so dejected. But don't let it end with yourself. Ultimately, you must cling to the absolutes that you know are true, even when you do not feel them.
Here is shown an apparent difference between the depression a Christian can experience and the depression of a nonbeliever. Where the nonbeliever has no Biblical absolutes--no anchored faith--a Christian has an immense advantage. Whether we feel it or not, Christ is our hope. Even when we feel hopeless, Christ still remains our hope--our one faithful Defender in the time we call for help, as well as in the time we are too sapped of strength to cry.
On a day I felt completely and utterly low, I found deep encouragement from Ephesians 3:20-21: "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."
Read that again, slowly.
Are you succumbing to depression? Have your emotions gone through the roof? Or, do you feel a numbness of spirit that seems to continue on and on? Keep in mind the tremendousness of that verse. God is able "to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think." He can surprise us (and often, He does) with His love and graciousness. Just when we think we've reached the end of God's love, He lavishes more upon us. There is a Hope for the hopeless, and He knows you by name.
Don't forget Schaeffer's advice, either. If we're bogged down by our feelings, I wonder if it has something to do with us not dwelling enough in "objective realities." Maybe we're not standing confidently on the truth we know. Maybe we've neglected to remind ourselves of the unconditional-ness of God's grace; His faithfulness, and the joy that should naturally flow through us as a response to being near Him. "Weeping may last for the night, but a shout of joy comes in the morning." (Psalm 30:5)
Does that seem overly simplistic? I know how it sounds, and I know that, somehow, no words really fit to summarize the despair. I don't have all the answers. I'm not even sure how to end this. But this I do know: there is hope for Isobels and Schaeffer's--a hope that says we have no need to join the statistic of Ruslana's. There is a certainty we can grip onto with our own two hands; a confidence that we won't be allowed to let go. And at the end, when the waves of emotion have passed, we'll find that our anchor held fast. We'll have "proved that the overwhelming thing does not overwhelm." And then we will meet a glorious sunrise.
Labels: depression, emotions
Monday, June 23, 2008
Feeling Funky?
My mom likes calling it a "funk." I'm not sure what to call it, except an emotional roller coaster that seems to speed nowhere but down. You know what I mean: Bad Days.
How to escape the funk?
Common sense says proper sleep, exercise, eating right, and getting out in the sun for a while can get those endorphins pumping and brighten your day. But I'm learning that a great deal of my Bad Days can be traced to spiritual issues. Things like doubt, fears, and self-trust can billow up when I'm experiencing the blues.
Here's a list of questions and scriptures I've compiled to help fight the funk:
Am I reminding myself of God's truth?
"My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my sayings....for they are life to those who find them and health to all their body." -Proverbs 4:20-22
Am I regarding sin in my heart?
"If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear." -Psalm 66:18
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise." -Psalm 51:17
Am I continuing doing what is right, in spite of my emotions?
"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap, if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6:9
Am I feeling all alone?
"For such is our God, forever and ever; He will guide us until death." -Psalm 49:14
Am I feeling like the first of God's people to ever be depressed?
"No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:18
Are my emotions based off circumstances or God's enduring faithfulness?
"Rejoice in the Lord always." -Philippians 4:4
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." - Psalm 62:8
Labels: emotions
Monday, December 10, 2007
Don't Follow Your Heart
Imagine that I've taken you to a quaint coffee shop for a treat. I've just handed you a steaming mocha latte. Your favorite. Smiling your thanks, you sit down, and take a small sip. Suddenly, a strange, steely glint enters my eyes. "The coffee has been poisoned. You have less than twenty-four hours to live," I say in a low voice.
Another sip. I crease my brow in confusion. I expected fear and panic to grip you, and sobs to shake your body. Instead, you lazily stir the latte with a straw and comment on its flavor. But stop— Why? Why didn't you run out of the coffee shop, wailing in distress? What triggered your careless reaction?
It's obvious, of course. You didn't believe me.
Beliefs influence thoughts, and thoughts influence feelings. One way or another, all our emotions, both positive and negative, overflow from what we're inwardly convinced of. Think about it. If you believed that I had poisoned the latte, you would have had an entirely different response.
So, what am I getting at? Don't ever go to a coffee shop with a Beauty from the Heart contributor if you value your life? No, not really. My point is actually serious, and I don't want you to miss it.
As Christians, we often allow our emotions to wreak havoc with us. We don't always feel like God loves us. We don't always feel zealous for the gospel. We don't always feel overwhelmed with joy. We don't always feel forgiven. We deeply desire to feel these things, but sometimes... well, the feelings just aren't there.
The core issue here is still belief.
Take a look at Job. On a day during the height of his enjoyment of God's blessings—without any warning—two things happen that change his life forever. A breathless servant arrives, carrying a message: Job's wealth has been obliterated. Before he has even a second to absorb this, another messenger arrives, with even worse news. Job's children have met sudden, violent deaths. And what does he do? Not what most people would expect. Job stuns me. He falls to the ground, and there, face down... he worships. He worships! In the midst of Job's greatest crisis, the exclamation, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised" springs spontaneously from his lips. It blows my mind. Job's reaction doesn't make rational sense. In fact, it defies cause and effect. How could his first, knee-jerk reaction be to praise God? Acceptance is one thing, but adoration?
There's only one explanation. Job's emotional response came from a firm, unshakable conviction. It was his belief in the goodness of his God that compelled him to humble worship. Job's relationship with God wasn't based off of circumstances, or the feelings produced by those circumstances. The reason he didn't "curse God and die", as his wife advised, was because his relationship with God rested on one solid, reliable foundation. Truth.
Fred Webedou used to tell a story about a terrifying experience he had as a fighter pilot in the Vietnam war. At times, a thick blanket of white fog would surround the entire plane. Nothing else was visible, either above or below. After some time, a panicked feeling of disorientation would begin to creep in. This sensation would grow in intensity, and become overpowering to the point where it felt like the plane was flying upside down. Instead of trusting the instruments, many pilots allowed their senses to dictate their course of action. In desperate attempts to "right the plane", they blindly maneuvered headlong into the ground. The pilots were warned not to heed their instinctual feelings, but to devote their whole attention to the instruments instead. Fred testified that this took a tremendous amount of willpower, but it saved his life.
If we allow ourselves to be directed by our feelings, we will quickly find ourselves obscured in fog, upside down, and headed for disaster. Our relationship with God will prove to be a painfully shallow and inadequate, and when difficult circumstances ensue, whatever semblance of a relationship is left will invariably buckle. We need a stronger foundation— a foundation informed by the truth and supported by belief, not sustained by emotions. Only this kind of relationship will enable us to produce God-glorifying feelings in any circumstance.
Christ wants to have full reign over of us, and that includes our emotions. He wants us to trust Him, and not fear. To be filled with peace, not anger. To brim with joy in His love, not sink under the weight of anxiety. Whether we encounter challenging or pleasant situations, He desires our feelings to be guided by Him. And the only way that this can happen is if we deliberately choose to immerse ourselves in the Word of God, confidently placing our trust in the beautiful truths He reveals there. Our emotions simply are not trustworthy enough gauges to lead us. We must first get a grip on the solid, unchangeable Truth, and believe it. Then, when our fluctuating emotions start to wreak havoc with us, we can put them in their place— in submission to the Lord of our hearts.
Labels: Biblical womanhood, emotions, theology
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