Saturday, April 02, 2005

When I asked Tyler whether he wanted to work on writing a post, sharing his thoughts and experience with you, he joked, “No, I want a hotdog.” You see, he’s on a liquid diet. Inevitably, every conversation leads to a discussion on what kind of food we’ll eat for dinner when his body is finished healing. Food cravings are part of his new daily reality.

It’s difficult to write about Tyler’s accident as an incident in retrospect, because it is still very much a part of our lives. We haven’t seen or fully processed all the things we have slowly been learning since January 17th. In a way, this interview is still in the making.

For those, who only have heard bits and pieces about the accident, the full story is here. In quick summation, Tyler was in an all terrain vehicle accident in January with his friend, Chris. Chris’ leg was severely broken in three places, while Tyler was given a less than 10% chance of survival due to the extensive injuries to his internal organs.

When asked what he remembers of the accident, Tyler said, “[As I lay] on the ground [the world] was going black-white, black-white, black-white. They said I was going into shock and I was turning yellow….then they half-walked me to the car.”

“They drove me to [a hospital that will remain unnamed] and Chris and I both lay in the truck while they tried to get some nurses to come out. It took about 20 minutes before they could get anybody to look at us. Then they just gave us some medicine to calm us down. Christopher was driven by ambulance to another hospital for immediate surgery on his leg, and I was careflighted to another hospital for emergency exploratory surgery. Then I remember looking up at seven or eight doctors and nurses and they were all holding scalpels and scissors and needles. I felt the needle go in…

H: At the crash, what went through your mind?

T: I thought I was dead at first. [Then] I remember thinking ‘Well, we wrecked [the ATV] but at least we’re okay. But we weren’t.

H: Was it scary?

T: No, it was a little walk in the park. [I thought,] “I’m in a field with a kid with a broken leg!” [Of course] it was scary. [Then, at the hospital] I hallucinated a lot.

H: I remember you playing football a lot in your hallucinations. And one time, you took my hand and started pretending it was a phone.

T: Yeah. [I hallucinated] that Miriam [my nine year old sister] was Goth and was taunting me with cookies.

H: That was because you were hungry, right? When you spent all that time in the hospital bed, what were some of your thoughts?

T: [When I was pain, I kept thinking] I wish I was dead. It all blurs together; it was an awful experience.

I remember in ICU, I felt really bad that I was using praying as a 9-1-1 phone call--like only in emergencies, and I didn’t have a good walk before the accident and I was now praying all the time. [A friend had to explain to me that] God knows we’re faulty human beings, [but any kind of prayer] was a good place to start.

H: What brought on the need for your second surgery?

T: There was bile seeping out of all of [my] wounds and they said I wasn’t responding well to the [first] surgery.

H: Was that the scariest operation?

T: Yeah, because when the doctor says things are not going well, that’s not really what you want to hear.

H: Are there any moments in particular that you remember crying out to God?

T: Right before surgery, I was laying on the operation table and they were about to put me unconscious, and I prayed and God gave me peace. After it was over, I felt much better. I wasn’t shooting bile out of the front of my stomach anymore.

H: How has your perspective changed now, as opposed to before the accident?

T: I didn’t realize how short life really was until this happened. I was into obsessing over things like shoes and material possessions, but being in [the hospital] made me realize that really doesn’t matter.

H: Were most of the people in ICU young or old?

T: There was one guy who was 92, but they were all different ages. In the step-down room, there was a 14 year old girl across the hall and she broke her leg and hip…I could hear her screaming a lot. She was really young. It was awful to hear her scream.

I had never really thought about [the possibility of death]. I knew I always could [die] but I never thought it would happen to me. I’m not expert on everything just because I got hurt, [but]…life is short.

H: Did you ever wonder why the accident happened to you?

T: [Yes, and I think it was] because I really could’ve cared less about [my relationship with Christ] at that point. I had no interest in anything to do with the Bible. My interest was in myself. I said I was [a Christian] but I wasn’t growing.

H: Was there a specific turning point?

T: I think it was the first night. I remember that night really well. I was reading John and came across a verse and kept reading it over and over and felt like it was meant for me.

H: What would you say to encourage someone who is depressed or in pain?

T: I didn’t care what people said when I was depressed. I didn’t believe there was [going to be an end to the pain, but] slowly things got better. My mindset changed and so did my attitude. I realized that this would someday come to an end.

At the time that you’re going through [a] trial, you normally won’t see the purpose for it until afterward. Or you may never see the purpose for it, but you have to know that God used it for good. I think everything happens for a reason.

H: Do you see a reason for your pain?

T: I don’t think we can know fully, but I have a closer walk with the Lord, and I appreciate my family tons more.

H: Does the phrase “God can bring you through anything” mean more to you now?

T: Yes. I couldn’t have come any closer to death. On the operating table, I was freaking out. But God was there.

H: How did you feel about so many people praying for you?

T: I didn’t realize for a while how many people were commenting [on The Rebelution and Beauty from the Heart.] It was really neat to see how many people were praying for me. I got a ton of mail [from] pretty much every state in the US and even Australia. It was amazing seeing how many people cared.

H: What’s the hardest part of being at home?

T: Getting up, knowing the day is going to be painful. [The pain is] not near as bad as it was at the hospital. The actual wound where the incision was made is healing up really well.[Plus,] I’m not walking with crutches now.

H: What are you looking forward to doing after healing?

T: Eating food and having a daily routine.

H: What are some things you want to do now that you hadn’t before the accident?

T: Cooking. :-)